"Prolific"

I can still hear the sound
Of the waves crashing on the beach
I'm lying beside you in the bed
But I'm far out of reach;

You tell me that you love me
I pretend that I'm asleep
So hard to make the promise
I don't want to keep;

I'm not sure what went wrong
All I know is what I feel
From one day to the next
Never knowing what is real;

Try as I might to appear the sane
It never fails that I cry
All of those lonely nights
And still, I would lie;

"I'm fine", I'd say
"That's alright, I'll be OK."
"I'm just stressed out."
Then I'd turn away;

To hide that fact that I'm not content
To hide the tears I cry at night
To show you not the fears I harbor
Hiding all of my darker side;

It's all these facts
I wish you not to know
For, the feelings lost
I no longer show;

But, of these feelings lost
I someday hope to find
The heartful soul
And healthy mind;

And of that soul, I wish
To find the self of mine
To undo these boundaries
And the chains that bind;

All my heart and soul
And prolific ways
Someone to love me
Throughout the rest of my days.