"Uncertain"

When faced with the aspect of seeing you again, I tremble.  It would be so much easier if you weren't around to constantly remind me of my pain ... I'm reminded of that enough when I am alone.  I thought I had found Life in you.  Now all that I can see is Death, Loneliness, and Despair.  I find no end to my desolation, only new beginnings to new paths ... it won't be long, now Victor is near.

He that carries his burdens alone, walks the longest mile.  All of Nature's gift, I cannot enjoy them, for I am still walking -- trying to find an end to the torment.  Dementia runs alongside me like a wanting, willing companion; yet I shun him.  I cannot stand to look at the face any longer -- the face that mocks me when I dare to glance.  Its cold stare burroughs through me with piercing eyes cold and blue.  Then I start to realize ... it's me.

Have I slept so long that I cannot recognize myself in the reflective orb?

No, that is not me.  The woman that was no longer exists.  She died the day he left.  All that is left now is an angry shell of a person.  Someone who hungers for the bittersweet taste of his blood on her lips ... to feel his pulsing heart in her hands ... and then to crush it as he did hers.  It seems a fitting enough justice to a crime unspeakable.

But no, Revenge is not my game.  I let the pieces fall where they may and play my stakes as best I can.  Sometimes Fate brings us to that which we desire the most.  I am ashamed to say that I let an illusion of something that didn't exist get in the way of my wanted destination.

It won't happen again.  I believe love was not meant for me ... maybe not yet.  But seeing as how he got in my way, I cannot afford to be distracted again.  I can still feel the Light.  I now count on it to guide me along the path that I choose.

May the sword protect me.